oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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