You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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