also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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