I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I didn't shave. On purpose
I feel like abortions should bother me more
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
