ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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