A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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