So drunk its hurt
her vagine was all disorganized.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
