I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
