There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
