Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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