she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize