you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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