Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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