Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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