So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
