she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
