im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
