I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize