I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize