24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
