You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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