There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
