Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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