You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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