I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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