What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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