Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
