k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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