Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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