dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
barbara walters just said penis...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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