Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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