I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
