Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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