we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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