what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
