dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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