you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
