woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
