May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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