these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
