I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
a search helicopter?!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
