Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize