I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
