how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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