bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
