I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
