I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
