Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
