i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
