Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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