so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
