I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
