Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
