You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sext me about skeletons
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
