meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
