So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
