glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
