i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize