Just fell off a train. Bad.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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