i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
