Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
