How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
