I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
