sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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