I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
