see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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