I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
