sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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