She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
