we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
