do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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