I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
